Two weeks and counting.

This is my second week in the house, and it's been great.

We had a visitor from a mouse that was very short lived, a visit from a raccoon and absentee room mates for about a week.

Hopefully that will spark enough memory for me to recall the fact that I was stuck dog sitting for almost a week by myself... jesus.

Anyway, I really want to talk about tonight. About the growing that happened on my ride home from an extremely intense and interesting night.

I've started working at this new restaurant and I've not been too fond of it. I'm not making enough money to be content and I'm also not too thrilled by my coworkers. However, two of them have sparked my fancy. Said co workers invited me out for drinks tonight and while I was at work it seemed like a good idea, but when I got home all I wanted to do was sit on my butt and drink wine. (let the church say amen.)

At about 10:30, during a talk with one of my room mates I got a call telling me that everyone was heading out and that I should go. So, I went. It was all really fun for a minute and then one of the coworkers got a little handsy. While this wasn't completely enjoyed it also wasn't completely hated, so I permitted it to continue.

As the night progressed, kisses happened, hugs happened etc.

This led to the ever dreaded confession of "I like you." No. Nonono. It's fun to mess around, but the second that you tell me you like me I'm completely uninterested.

Seriously. I can't handle it.

I don't want emotions right now. I don't want feelings.

I want feelings for one person, but even those, I don't want recpirocated. Do I?


This rant is an emotional one, and I'm sorry for it.

I just can't figure out why I can't accept it when people tell me they like me. What in the world is wrong with me to where I can't accept affection? Why is it so hard for me?


WHY?!